I’ve learned not to believe everything my brain tells me. Sometimes that’s a dangerous neighborhood! Your ego is not your amigo and all that. Like when I went to a conference hoping I’d find co-collaborators and didn’t. My head replayed many conversations (for no reason at all). Pure sabotage in action, right between my ears.

Last Thursday I finished a call with a senior partner at a firm you would recognize. The legal question was settled in twenty minutes. The rest of the call was her telling me, in a voice I’m sure she rarely lets anyone hear, that she has no one to talk to about any of it. She can't say the hard things to her associates, because they report to her. She can't say them to her fellow partners, because they compete with her. She softens everything for her family, because when she’s honest and tells all, they worry. She said, "Everyone assumes I'm fine because I have to be." I know that feeling so well. There were years I could have said the same thing.

Around 20 years ago, my doctor told me I needed a blood transfusion, and I had to go to the hospital. I’m in the car and started driving. The whole way there, I was trying to decide. I had to be in court. And I remember thinking, very seriously, I don't have time for a blood transfusion. I was actually deciding whether to go to the hospital or go to my office. My health was on the line, and I treated it like a scheduling conflict.

I want to help you get back the hours you're losing to the things you put off (but keep thinking about). So here's the truth: the most expensive item on your calendar isn't the deposition or the mediation. It's the thing you're avoiding, because it costs you attention throughout the day (and night!) and gives nothing back.

Someone coming at you, especially at high-stakes moments, is exactly when we lose access to ourselves. Opposing counsel gets nasty. A mediator raises her voice. Your partner cuts you off. Your body floods with adrenaline, your brain starts writing a story about what this means about you, and suddenly you're defending your ego instead of representing your client (or taking care of a relationship). The moment that matters most becomes the moment you're least there for.

You know that feeling where you feel different somehow, like you don’t fit in? I carried that feeling for years and never said it out loud. So I did what most of us do. I didn’t tell anyone and performed fine. Then one day I heard someone talk about it, and I was like, “me too!” So I started talking about it, and same thing. People related.

I want to help you stop running on empty and calling it fine. This week, that starts with a question you'll answer on autopilot a dozen times before Friday.

"How are you?" "Good. Busy!"

I want to help you be present for your life. Sometimes a pause is needed. Pausing sounds like you’re losing time, but it actually creates it. For those times that really matter. A pause isn’t a break from your life. A pause is how you get back inside it. There’s real peace in the pause, and there's information in it too.

You've got seventeen tabs open. The one you really need is there somewhere, you just can't find it at the moment. Your brain’s pinging between four half-finished things. And right then, your kid walks in. Or it's pickup time. Or the phone rings. Everything needs you at once, and you have nothing left to give. Here's what to do in that exact moment. It takes 30 seconds and nobody will even know you did it.

Did you know your most stressful thoughts have actual names? Researchers catalog them (and have for decades). Catastrophizing. All-or-nothing thinking. Mind-reading. Fortune-telling. Comparing. And here’s the part that matters for you: Just naming the pattern, saying “oh, that’s catastrophizing,” quiets the alarm part of your brain. Putting words to what’s happening actually turns down the volume.

Just about everything you think you know about burnout is wrong. You think it means you’re exhausted. (It doesn’t.) Burnout isn't just tiredness. It's what happens when you've run on willpower for so long that willpower itself stops working.

‍No one teaches us how to stop. They teach us to go, do, and push ... But not how to pause. That’s a shame because the pause is where wisdom lives. A purposeful pause doesn’t “cost” you time. It earns you energy, peace, and calm. Here’s how to take one: Close your eyes and take 3 long, slow breaths.

Just about everything you think you know about breathwork is wrong. You don’t need a special technique, guided audio, or app. You don’t need to set aside time, find a quiet room, or close your eyes. And you don’t need to do it “right.” You’re breathing all the time - you just need to notice it.

I’ve got a confession. Sometimes when I meditate I spend the whole time… Thinking about what to make for dinner. Sound familiar? Here’s the surprising part: That’s not failing - that’s meditating.

In my last newsletter I asked if your shoulders were up near your ears. A ton of people replied and said yes. They ALSO didn’t even realize it until they read that line. The cause of that isn’t stress or anxiety. It’s the loop.

Are your shoulders up near your ears right now? Is your jaw tight? Your stomach a little clenched, waiting for the next thing to land? Probably. Most of us walk around like that all day. Braced. Tensed. Steeling ourselves for whatever comes next. But…

There’s always a lot going on, but … doesn’t it seem like there’s even MORE going on right now? We all feel it. But you don’t have to get swept away by it. Watch this 13-minute video. It’s an entertaining TED Talk from Dan Harris, a news anchor who famously had a panic attack on live television.

After a recent talk I gave, multiple people told me they felt a sense of “longing.” A subtle wish for something they couldn’t quite explain. Not a different life, but a feeling that something was “wrong” with them. But there’s nothing wrong with them and nothing wrong with you if you feel the same.

Remember when your parents told you, “Just wait till you have your own kids?” Or, “Never leave one job till you've got another?” Or maybe you were told you have to be a doctor or lawyer or some other specific profession to be “worthwhile.” Guess what? None of that sh*t’s true.