I want to help you keep practicing law without losing yourself or your life outside the office.
This week I went on Alex Markus' podcast, and we talked about something I've spent 25 years learning the hard way: what this work does to your stress levels, your body, and to your relationships. And how taking a few seconds to pause can change all of it.
For a long time I treated my own stress as normal. I was so focused on doing all the things (discovery, trial prep, practice upkeep, and taking care of clients, employees, and family) that I didn't notice how much of it I was carrying. I just figured being stressed came with the territory.
THE PROBLEM
Here's what I've noticed after 25 years. Most of us got into this work because we care, then the work takes over, and you care about everything except yourself (or your self-care ends up last).
You're basically on call for everyone. You carry your clients' worst days around with you. You answer emails at dinner and tell yourself it's because it’s important. And somewhere along the way, you start believing exhaustion's just part of being a good lawyer.
I believed that for a long time. I see it both in new associates and in people who've been practicing longer than I have. Nobody really talks about it, so you assume you're the only one who feels it. And it doesn't stay at the office. It comes home with you, into how you sleep (or don’t sleep!), and how you partially show up for the people you love.
WHY THIS WORKS
A pause doesn't need to be long to work. A few intentional seconds gives your nervous system a chance to settle before you respond. You go from reacting to choosing. That small gap changes how you show up for yourself, your clients, and for your family. You start seeing the big picture and feel calmer and more grounded.
THREE THINGS TO TRY THIS WEEK
1. The Three-Second Pause. Before you answer a call, open a hard email, or respond to opposing counsel, stop for three seconds. Feel your feet. Take one long, slow exhale. Then begin.
2. Pause at the Doorway. Each time you walk into a meeting, a courtroom, or a conference room, let the doorway be your cue. One long inhale, then an even longer exhale as you walk in, helps you fully arrive.
3. The First Five Minutes. When you see someone you love at the end of the day, give them the first five minutes with your phone out of sight. Look at them, listen, and let work wait. Those few minutes tell the people in your life they still come first. They matter.
THE TAKEAWAY
You don’t have to give up your personal life to succeed as a lawyer. I used to think I had to choose between being a great lawyer and having a life I actually enjoyed. I don't believe that anymore. What changed things for me were the small pauses, micro-resets I started taking during the day, a few seconds at a time, long before I felt like I needed them. They add up. You'll feel the difference on the inside. And those around you will notice them too.
THIS WEEK’S RECESS
Listen to the episode here: Adjourned for the Day. We do my favorite short mindfulness practice together live. Do it with us, and notice how you feel before and after.