Transform Your Self Talk from Negative to Positive with These Powerful Steps
Have you ever found yourself stuck in a loop of self-criticism? We've all had those moments—questioning our abilities, picking apart our appearance. But dwelling on this negativity can take a toll on our mental well-being. In this enlightening episode, Lauren shares her personal journey and expert strategies to help you break free from the grip of negative self-talk.
Tune in to discover how to cultivate self-compassion and confidence and embrace a brighter outlook on life. Explore three powerful methods to silence your inner critic, including a refreshing social media detox, personalized affirmations, and grounding techniques. Step away from the comparison trap and reclaim your mental clarity. Let's break free from comparison and welcome a more hopeful perspective together!
“Spending less time on social media will definitely help with that negative self-talk and giving your self-compassion.” –Lauren (4:23).
Explore the impact of social media on our self-perception as we navigate through seemingly flawless lives displayed on our screens daily. Lauren offers a bold yet practical remedy: stepping away from social media to rediscover our authentic emotions and reconnect with our true selves.
“The more you focus on the good and do these kinds of things, the higher vibrating people, and you get to attract really great quality people into your life.” -Lauren (7:46)
Unlock the Power of Grounding: Discover the transformative potential of physical grounding exercises and affirmations. Reconnect with yourself and embrace the positivity around you by engaging in activities like walking barefoot on the earth and practicing affirmations in front of the mirror.
Cultivate Positivity: Redirect your attention from negative spirals to the abundance of positivity in your life. By focusing on gratitude and positivity, you can attract more fulfilling experiences and enrich your journey.
"Humility isn't thinking less of yourself; it's thinking about yourself less." – Lauren (03:32).
Discover the Significance of Humility. Gain valuable insights into the power of humility—shifting from self-criticism to self-awareness. Explore how this nuanced approach prompts us to break free from self-absorption, fostering deeper connections with the world and minimizing the influence of negative self-talk.
"I can listen to the negative self-talk, or I can look at the truth and do a gratitude list really quick. That is the fastest way to get out of that negative self-talk." - Lauren (11:09)
Keep in mind that the path to self-compassion is a continuous journey, and every small step you take leads you closer to a more confident and fulfilled version of yourself. Stay committed to positivity, embrace gratitude, and don't underestimate the power of a smile—it's a simple yet powerful tool against negative self-talk.
In this episode:
[00:33] Getting off social media
[00:56] Feeling and moving emotions
[01:50] Spotting judgment and self-talk
[02:43] The power of affirmations and humility
[04:38] The benefits of grounding, smiling, and releasing endorphins
[06:38] Embracing mistakes, showing self-compassion
[08:26] Importance of connection and community
[10:20] Utilizing gratitude lists, visualizing dreams
[13:03] The importance of breathing, sharing struggles
[15:01] Embracing self-love and laughter
Resources and Links to the
52 Weeks of Hope
Are you tired of the relentless negative self-talk that whispers doubts and fears, undermining your confidence each day? If so, it’s time to tune in to the empowering episode.
Key Takeaways
“People aren't giving you the kind of thought that you're giving you. They're not thinking about you like you think they are.” -Lauren (02:52).
“I don't think we'd appreciate the good times if we didn't go through those hard times.” – Lauren (09:55).
Mentioned
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[00:00:00] Lauren Abrams: Are you a burnt out overachiever buried in responsibilities? Do you miss laughing with your friends, just laughing from the gut? Do you feel like life's passing you by? If you've been wishing for some kind of shift, you're in the right place. Welcome to 52 Weeks of Hope, the show where we take you off the hamster wheel by ditching your to do list for the to don't list.
This is where you get to learn how to make that lonely ache vanish. Learn self compassion techniques and to give yourself grace. I'm Lauren Abrams and I get to help you feel that magic again, since going through my own dark night of the soul, so you can learn from my experience and the mentors and experts I meet along the way.
The first thing I'm going to tell you, and I don't know if you like it or not, but getting off of social media, just taking a week off is a really great place to start. It's not real things going on over there. You know it. I mean, you post all the happy things that are going on. Although I did post passed away.
It brought up all kinds of things because. You know [00:01:00] families and it brought up these core issues for me all that stuff like I'm a mistake Nobody's gonna like me. I really don't fit in anywhere even with my own family All that stuff gets brought up and we have to feel our feelings like you can't not feel your feelings Otherwise, it's gonna come out in trauma someplace else.
You have to feel it and what's really interesting is if you close your eyes when you're feeling a feeling that You don't want to feel and to distract yourself to turn to social media or food or you know Whatever it is. It's your thing to turn to Having a drink whatever it is instead if you just close your eyes and feel where in your body you're feeling you're feeling It's really interesting.
You could put your hand on your heart, but just close your eyes. There's only, this doesn't even take a full minute. Feel where in your body you're feeling that feeling and the feeling will move. I tend to feel it in my gut, but sometimes it'll be in your throat or your chest, it just wherever. But then it'll move and you can feel it actually move through your body.
through your body, and then it'll [00:02:00] leave. Then you're creating new neuropathways and that negative self talk for that particular thing will leave. It's really, it's great. It's an incredible tool. Once you start doing it, you'll be like, wow, it's just very, very cool. Another thing when you start judging and if you spot it, you got it.
I don't know if you've ever heard that before, but when you point your finger, you can see there's three fingers pointing back. Just put your finger right now. You see, there's three fingers pointing back. They say that if you spot it, you got it. So if you see something in somebody else, know that you probably have that same character trait or something that you don't like.
You're like, Oh my God, they're so judgy. Well, you're probably judging that too. So sorry to say that you may have that same characteristic. So when you think, Oh my God, what are they going to think about me? And all that negative self talk is going on. They won't like me or this and that. don't worry about it.
They're probably not thinking about you. They're probably thinking about themselves anyway. So all those voices in your [00:03:00] head, just try to let those go because people aren't giving you the kind of thought that you're giving you. They're not thinking about you like you think they are. Most people are just thinking about themselves in their life.
They're not spending their time thinking about you. I've never thought of a nice way to say that. I think it comes across probably really harsh and I don't mean it to be. I would get all consumed. What do they think? Or like when I started the podcast, what are people going to think about me starting a podcast?
Nobody's thinking about me. Nobody has been like, who are you to start a podcast? And now I don't even, I just, Put it out there. It's just people of a certain age that didn't grow up putting themselves all over video TikToks reels Instagram and all that. They're like i'm not putting myself on there, but nobody's paying attention Anyway, nobody's giving it any thought.
So the definition for humility that I was given is humility isn't Thinking less of yourself. It's thinking about yourself less. I always like that. And doing affirmations, looking in your eyes, in the mirror, not at your hair. How does this look? Or [00:04:00] I have a wrinkle here. None of that. But looking in the mirror and saying out loud, I am great.
I love you. I am healthy. I'm so grateful and thankful that I'm so healthy. I'm so grateful and thankful that the universe has my back. Any affirmation that feels right for you, not something that doesn't resonate, but an affirmation that resonates for you. I'm being the best me today I can possibly be. I feel joy in this moment.
My body doesn't define me and I'm grateful for this body, whatever kind of affirmation. works for you. So spending less time on social media will definitely help with that negative self talk and giving yourself compassion. Affirmations is the second thing. And instead of thinking less of yourself, thinking of yourself less.
So those were three things I think I kind of combined. So number one was less time on social media. Number two, affirmations that feel right for you, that resonate for you. And number three is instead of thinking less of [00:05:00] yourself, think about yourself. And doing some grounding, putting, go and put your feet in the earth.
There's, I don't know the scientific principle for this. Maybe Native Americans could probably explain it better than I ever could, but there's something about grounding, putting your feet actually in the earth outside that does wonders. Also just putting a smile on your face right now, just put a smile on your face.
That will release endorphins, both those things, getting outside grounding and putting a smile on your face will release endorphins, even if you don't feel it. Just that. But when you do grounding, you realize that earth and the world are so much larger than you, and that can stop you from that spiraling down into the, Oh my gosh, I'll probably mention these.
Cause for me, it's, I don't fit in. I don't know why I'm here. And then it'll be the fear that nobody's going to like me. And who do I think I am anyway? And all of those kinds of things. And then when you do these kinds of tools, you'll find that [00:06:00] you can give yourself compassion and patience. and kindness and you can have your heart open and be there to receive the good that's there because whatever you focus on grows.
And I heard that whatever you're practicing the most of that's your go to and you're going to start going to the, Oh, I'm doing the best I can. Oh, I'm doing great. Look at me. I'm doing this. So when you're focusing on the good more often than that negative, Oh, I suck and all of that. And when you do the, I suck, give yourself an equal weighted positive compliment.
I am doing the best I can. I do the best I can each day instead of I'm stupid. I'm doing the best I can. I'm human. I made a mistake. I got a phone call from someone beating herself up about how she did X, Y and Z. I said, Oh, so you made a mistake. Like, that's all it was. And that whole perfectionist thing. I mean, I love the episode, one of the earlier episodes where the coin of [00:07:00] perfectionism is procrastination because people are so afraid of making a mistake, they don't even want to start.
I still play with that one in my mind. I'm not sure if that's true, but everyone makes mistakes. Okay. That's part of being human. So what? Keep going. And just give yourself the same compassion that how you would talk to your friend. You would tell your friend, that's okay. Bye. Keep going. Everyone makes mistakes.
Think of how you would talk to your friend. I could hear my friend in my head. Tell me how great I am. And so think of how you would talk to a friend. And if your friends don't talk to you that way, you need new friends. If you need an episode on that, I can tell you exactly how to go and get some new friends because I've been learning that as my kids have now both.
I've gone off to college, well, one graduated, and I've had to learn how to, oh, how do I get new friends and, and get new communities and, and I have to put myself out there again and do things like that so that I have things to do. It's not that hard. It's just a matter of putting myself out there again and, and making an effort.
So the more you focus on the good and do these kinds of [00:08:00] things, the higher vibrating people and you get to attract really great quality people into your life. Really. It's a privilege the kind of people that you get to attract when you're focusing on the good and you know, the universe is friendly. The future is friendly and you focus and you, and you concentrate your attention that way.
I love the message of hope that Eric, the trainer gave about how during the period, like we've just been going through in our history, there's so much artistic and just, uh, listen to his episode. It was so motivating anyway, but I love when people say, Oh, I should be further along right now. Like says who on whose timeline I'm my father in his last.
15 years accomplished more as far as giving back and doing for others and, and having people feel heard and seen, because that's really what people want. They want to feel heard and seen. And I don't know, everyone felt like they were special. That's the message that kept coming back. So, I mean, I did, of course, because I was his daughter.
So, but [00:09:00] everyone felt like that. So I want to know, there must be a formula for it. And when I find out what it is, I'm going to tell you, because I know if you put down your cell phone and when you're having a conversation, that definitely helps people feel heard and seen, but there's some way he did it that really made people feel special.
So I'm not sure exactly what he said to people that they all felt like they really had that special connection with him. That many people, but I want to know when you're talking to somebody, you're a hundred percent there and you ask a lot of questions and you genuinely listen, but there's something else.
Maybe you say, this is just between us. If you say that, maybe that makes them feel special. You can tell me what you think it is that there's gotta be something where this many people think they have a special connection. But anyway, I should be further along by now. I, I mean, I just don't buy that at all because, Like, who says there's no timeline?
You're exactly where you're supposed to be when you're [00:10:00] there. There just is no such thing. Everybody goes through hard times. Everybody goes through really hard times. And I don't think we'd appreciate the good times if we didn't go through those hard times. But when we're in the hard times, you can't, you can't hear that.
I sure can't. And so, but you don't have to go through any of them alone. That's why we have community. That's why it's important. You have connection and that's why it's important. You tell somebody when you're going through it. That's what all these episodes a hundred are about what people's hard times have been, how they got through them and a message of hope.
And there's been some really hard times that people have gone through. I mean, we all go through them. This podcast comes from my own dark night of the soul and it was bad. It was bad. I'm not going to act like it wasn't, but it's not the darkest time of my entire life. That was decades ago and I'm still here.
So there's a reason I'm here. And so there's a reason you're here too. Everyone has their own unique handprint and you're special. It's not like, Oh, I shouldn't be here. That was always my thing. I didn't know why I'd been [00:11:00] born. I really, I just didn't feel like that. I fit in anywhere. And so when I have those feelings, I know they're going to pass.
I just do. I know they're going to pass when I think, Oh, no one loves me. I'm all alone. That's not true. I have a wealth of friends. And so I have a choice. I can look at the, that feeling like, Oh, no one loves me. Or, I can go, Oh my gosh, I have a family, I have friends, I have so many people who love me. So, I can listen to the negative self talk, or I can look at the truth.
And I can do a gratitude list, really quick. That is the fastest way to get out of that negative self talk. And I can make a list of everything I'm grateful for. I mean, I have my husband, my kids, my friends. I have my dogs. I have a place to live. I have a podcast that I get to record and I hopefully can give a message of hope to somebody.
If I help one person, it's worth it. And I help people in my law practice. I get to help people all over. And that's what lifts me up. And [00:12:00] there's so many things. I have electricity. I can, Put my feet in the ground and do grounding. I can go walk around the block that I can walk. There's the list. It can be the minutiae.
If you go all the way back to Amanda Peyton's episode, one of the very first ones, and she was sure she's never going to act every time she gets an acting job. She's never going to, Oh, you should listen to it and then see how many series she's been on since that episode. And she talks about just doing the dishes, get up and just putting the dishes in the dishwasher when she's just completely down.
And, uh, she's gotten married and bought a house since that episode, by the way, besides everything else that she's done. It's really fun to see where people are since her last episode. Doing a gratitude list will get you out of the negative self talk very, very quickly. That's another one of the tools. So I'm grateful and thankful that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be in my life.
And visualize, take, you know what? Visualize where you want to be. Your biggest dreams. Make it [00:13:00] even bigger. Be an Angela Manuel Davis. Can you see where you're supposed to be? Can you see it? If you can see it, it's not big enough. Because we all have dreams and we all have our own path and we'll get there when we get there.
Focus on the good, make a list of all the positive aspects of any situation you're in right now and surround yourself with positive people. Practice the positive self. Talk and get outside. Being inside is not good. Take it from me, take it from me. Somebody who works inside all day. I try to get outside a couple of times a day.
I mean, I just went and met somebody yesterday just to get outside. I had something of hers and she wanted to come by and get it. I go, let me take it to you just so I could get outside. It's a problem. I love my work, but it's all done inside. So the other thing is to breathe. I hear how fast I'm talking, starting to talk.
So breathe, take deep breaths. Breathe. If nothing else, I would say the gratitude list and the taking the breath are probably the best things. You're not alone. [00:14:00] Being in community around other like minded people is going to help when your head starts in on you. Let it out. And then you can let it go because none of it's true.
The problems happen when you keep things all bottled up inside. The, I don't want to burden anyone. I don't want to tell anyone. What will they think? They have their own stuff. I, yeah, you're busy. I really, I don't want to tell them. That's when it dominoes into all kinds of other things and other topics in your head.
It just takes a nanosecond for it to go from one like, Oh, I'm stupid. I have nothing to wear. I'm fat. I'm this, a nanosecond. I mean, it takes one to know one. It takes a nanosecond for our heads to just take off and it's not worth it. It's just not worth it. So first you have to recognize, Oh my gosh, my head's taken off.
So it takes a nanosecond. Actually noticing. And once you notice it, say, Oh, there it goes. [00:15:00] And you can stop, breathe, smile, laugh at yourself. We all do it. I have to say, I haven't called myself stupid in years. I mean, my whole refrain was, I'm the dumb one in the family, I'm the dumb one in the family. My brain is never gonna Like, I just thought my brain had atrophied.
I didn't think I could take anything in when I started going to college. And, you know, it's a muscle. It just needed some exercise. And I I I I did fine. I did very well in college and then law school. You know, I mean, like nothing we tell ourselves is true. You can do anything you want in life. I just heard about somebody who was going to go on antidepressants.
I'm not getting into a whole antidepressants thing, but instead she took 30 days and put up positive affirmations all over her room and her house. And she repeated them out loud for 30 days. And she went back to the doctor and she didn't need them. And I just find that just so heartening. We can be our own lifter uppers and [00:16:00] surround yourself with other people who are going to do that for you.
I mean, everybody knows stories of people who have been on the verge of death through cancer and cured themselves. I mean, the near death experiences and all of that, my kids used to hate. I, I would always play the one, Anita Morjani. She's so well spoken and she's funny and, and she, it's proven. I mean, she was on her deathbed and she's written books and everything else.
She's so good and so uplifting and I just love her. But she was in, The throes of cancer and in very bad shape. So anyway, we can cure ourselves. And one other thing I really want to say is there's no end game here. Enjoy the journey. I just laugh at myself. And if you can't laugh at yourself, you know, life is to be taken lightly.
I, there's Auschwitz survivors who are still alive and they're interviewed and you talk to them. They're like, if I'm still here, there's a reason and that I'm supposed to be here and I'm just going to [00:17:00] enjoy it. And I'm going to laugh. Yeah. Because we have to laugh. It's just so important. So surround yourself with people who make you laugh.
And don't let your head tell you otherwise. You're great. You're great. You have a unique handprint. You're here for a reason. And you have something to give to so many people. Everyone does. You're not an exception. You have something so unique. Beautiful to give. So give yourself that patience. Give yourself compassion.
Give yourself grace and give yourself love. You are so lovable. Keep going. Just keep going. You're amazing. You've got this. You do. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode and take with you the messages of kindness, compassion, and self confidence. Such great messages to take into your week ahead. I hope you enjoyed this conversation as much as I did.
If you have any thoughts, questions, or just wanna say hello, I would love to hear from you. [00:18:00] Remember, you can always catch up on previous episodes and stay connected on social media, Ron, Instagram, LinkedIn, YouTube, and Facebook. At 52 weeks of hope to join the 52 Weeks of Hope Community at 52 weeks of Hope, or go to the website at 52 weeks of hope.com.
Be sure to tune in next week for an amazing episode, all about finding inspiration. Powerful lessons to overcome self doubt and finding your authentic purpose. Do you ever feel like you just want someone to tell you what to do, to give you the answer already? You're going to get that. That's next week's episode.
It's so good. You're going to love it. I'm so grateful to all of you for listening. I'm in the middle of a rebrand and we're just about at the 200th episode. So the 52 weeks of hope part. I guess it isn't meshing. I'm being told that by a lot of different people from different avenues. So I'm open to any and all suggestions from you for names.
I'm kind of liking these three right now and I would love your feedback. I'm totally [00:19:00] open. So here's three. Let me know if you like any of them or if you've got a favorite. Here are the three I'm thinking of right now. One, reset and recharge. Two, beyond burnout. And three, which is my current favorite enough, just enough period.
So I'll say them again, reset and recharge beyond burnout or enough. Those are the three. Let me know what you think about them. Or if you've got ideas, if you haven't already, please subscribe, rate, and review to the podcast. If you don't know how to do that, you can just go to the website at 52weeksofhope.
com. There's a button to click and a link to subscribe and review. It's really appreciated. Plus all the podcast episodes are in there. So the show notes and everything that's been offered by all the various guests. So that's it for a few, two weeks to hope. com. If you're enjoying the podcast, share the love and tell some of your friends.
I'm Lauren Abrams. Thanks for listening.
