Step into Your Magic: Exploring the Transformative Power of Shadow Work with Valerie Inez and Latha Jay
Do you feel like you’ve got the power to manifest the life you want to live, but something’s holding you back? You’re this type-A overachieving mom, but something’s off? You've always been able to barrel through anything, but something’s amiss? Are you feeling under-appreciated and overworked? Unable to get rid of the malaise? You will love listening to this episode, all about doing your shadow work!
“Just that simple act of saying ‘I love you’ can break through so many different walls and so many different things that have been built up over years and years and years.” – Latha (14:55)
Listen as Valerie Inez and Latha Jay help you learn about the power of shadow work and how doing it can release you to live the life you’ve already manifested. Their new book, “Shadow Work Journal for Self-Love: Powerful Prompts and Exercises to Integrate Your Shadow and Embrace Your Inner Child,” is a must-read for anyone ready to go deep and do the hard work of shadow work.
“Once I finally released the comparison shadow part of me and said, you know what, girl, they can be shiny and bright, but we can also be shiny and bright doing what we love to do.” – Valerie (19:40)
If you’ve been checking the boxes of life, scared to take that leap to what you know you're called here to do, listen as Latha and Valerie discuss the simple tools to get you aligned with your path empowering you forward.
“It’s never too late, and I personally believe that everything happens in divine timing.” – Latha (12:42)
In This Episode:
(3:27) - What is shadow work?
(4:05) – The three different ways shadows can appear in your life.
(5:25) – Shadow work and spiritual awakening.
(6:20) – Unresolved childhood trauma and life choices.
(9:21) – Energy work and healing.
(13:46) – Affirmations and mirror work.
(14:32) – How affirmations work.
(16:00) – Shifts that occur when you begin to love yourself
(17:17) – To manifest, it’s important to get past your limiting beliefs.
(20:44) – Valerie’s powerful meditation experience.
(22:17) – How your intuition increases once you do shadow work.
(27:07) – Benefits of shadow work.
(29:49) - How shadow work allowed Valerie to be the person she wants to be and a better mom.
(31:16) – Approaching shadow work through the lens of self-love.
(33:19) – Shadow work helps you become a better mom, all you Type-A ers.
(35:25) – You’ll be with you for the rest of your life, so why not invest in yourself?
Resources and Links
52 Weeks of Hope
Go to https://www.magicmind.co/hopelauren and get up to 50% off your subscription for the next 10 days with my code HOPELAUREN.
Valerie Inez
Latha Jay
Shadow Work Journal for Self-Love: Powerful Prompts and Exercises to Integrate Your Shadow and Embrace Your Inner Child - https://www.amazon.com/Shadow-Work-Journal-Self-Love-Exercises/dp/0593690494
Listen to the episode here: https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/52-weeks-of-hope/id1596556067?i=1000618608169
-
Latha [00:00:00] And what I realized was, like so much of our day is spent on focusing on what didn't work, how much we suck, how much we screwed something up, or how there's a wrinkle here and a saggy here, and we just pick it on ourselves all day long. And it's like we've forgotten how beautiful we are. You know, that true inner beauty, that outer beauty, that the love that exists there, and just that simple act of saying I love you can break through so many different walls and so many different things that have been built up over years and years and years.
Lauren [00:00:32] Welcome to 52 Weeks of Hope. This is where you get to hear how to feel happy, balanced and worthwhile. How to make that lonely ache vanish and feel empowered, confident and secure. I'm Lauren Abrams. I get to help you feel that magic again since going through my own dark night of the soul by chatting with incredible leaders, healers, and change agents who give you their message of hope after overcoming challenges of their own. And today we're talking to spiritual coaches, manifestos and authors, lethargy and ballerinas. Are you ready to level up your intuitive skills, improve your way of life and thinking, align with your personal power and soul's calling? You know you're meant for something big in this lifetime. You get to learn right now how to tap into the most incredible part of you. Get the steps to take for you to climb into your dream of vision. Welcome. Authors of the new book, Shadow Work Journal for Self-love. Welcome to 52 weeks of Hope, Valerie and Latha Jay.
Valerie [00:01:26] Thank you so much for having us. Now you made me feel a little bit emotional. I love it.
Lauren [00:01:31] I love that you and I have that book and Latha Jay back. I think you're the first person I've ever had on twice, which is so exciting If anyone didn't hear episode 138 I love your episode manifesting a life of alignment and greatness, so good and all my friends love that episode. I love it when my friends are like, I love this episode. I'm like, Yeah, she's so great.
Latha [00:01:56] So happy to be back.
Lauren [00:01:57] Yeah. And you've got another book out already and okay, so shadow work, I have to say, I was talking to my daughter about this. I'm like, I never heard of shadow work until maybe the last eight or nine months. I feel like, Is it? I know. Look at both of you. Okay, so I believe but most people listen do not watch podcast. They both are making looks like what but is this like a term that used to be called something else? Because your tools in here, I mean, one of your very first tools, I've been doing for decades. So I am really curious, and I'm going to get to what that is in a second of how you guys came into it and things like that. But was shadow work called something different before, or?
Latha [00:02:42] Yeah, it's actually been called a lot of things and shadow work for a long, long time. You may you might know it as like wounded child work or self-help. I mean it has so many different kind of variables to it. I think right now it's kind of taking off in the space of being called shadow work.
Lauren [00:03:00] Mm hmm. Okay. All right. I just wondered if it was, like, trendy term, almost like I'm seeing it everywhere. It's just something I was like, All right, what is shadow work? And that's a good segue way to what is shadow work and your book and your tools and everything else are amazing. So I'll do that. And then, Valerie, your story of the turnaround of you, I mean, we have to get to that a little bit, too, so go ahead. That's a big opening for you guys.
Latha [00:03:27] So shadow work is really finding where a limiting belief is coming from. I used to really say that it was the root cause, limiting belief, but really from doing this work, it doesn't even have to be the true root cause. Just getting closer to that space can be so freeing. It can create this like opportunity for flexibility in your life from any kind of limiting beliefs that you've had for years, four decades, four months that's been holding you back from really, truly living the life that you want from stepping into like new things, from accessing new opportunities. And shadows in our life can show up in mainly three different ways, right? They show up as triggers when they're triggered by what someone else is doing or what happens in our life. They can show up as projections. The way that we see a situation, the way that we're projecting, maybe something that we're feeling on someone else and they show up in these cycles, often called repetition compulsion in which we're seeing the same thing happening again and again and again. It might be your fifth job that you're gone to with the same crappy boss, you know, or this second or third relationship in which your partner cheats on you in the same way. And they're all different people, right? But for whatever reason, it's the same situation that's kind of happening again and again in your life. And these things is how the shadows appear in our life, how it kind of comes up, creeps up into our life, and how we can actually see it.
Lauren [00:04:52] . Okay. That was a good explanation. I like it when you want to tell your friend. Oh, please, please, Just not him again.
Latha [00:05:00] Exactly.
Lauren [00:05:03] Yeah. Okay. And so, Valerie, did you do this work? That's how you. I'll let you tell your story. I already asked the question, so go ahead.
Valerie [00:05:11] You know, I agree that shadow work has become kind of trendy, but I think it's more of the term shadow. Work has become more trendy in the spirituality realm of doing the inner work. But like I said, it's just the inner work. It's the healing part. I found shadow work on TikTok actually, I was in the midst of a spiritual awakening, and right before the pandemic hit I was having a spiritual awakening, but I didn't understand what was happening. I thought I was just becoming more aware of who I was and what I was bringing to the table, aware my own toxicity.
Lauren [00:05:43] And how did you become aware? I'm going to stop you right there, because that's like too vague. I want to know what happened.
Valerie [00:05:49] You know, when my ex-husband and I used to fight, he would always tell me. You always try to play the victim like you don't ever take responsibility for the way that you're feeling. And I'm like. You're right, they don't do that. And I was like, Why don't I do that? And the more that I started to get uncomfortable with, or rather comfortable with what made me uncomfortable by sitting there with it and acknowledging with it, because I used to be the type of person who used to be so angry at everything. I was angry all the time. I had a lot of pain and trauma that I dealt with in my childhood that was unresolved and it caused me to make terrible life choices and just immediately react in anger. And the more that I started to become aware of how I was responding. And, you know, when you have children, of course they are your biggest mirrors. They will tell you how you're behaving and they will call you out, or at least my children do. And they would call me out and be like, Why are you so angry? I don't know why I'm so angry. And the more they start to ask myself, why do I keep repeating the same behavior over and over and over again, I was in a repeating pattern and cycle of toxicity, of anger, of just hurt. It was just so deeply embedded within me that I couldn't move past and feel anything else. I realized that I was constantly feeling the same emotions over and over and over again, and it didn't really allow me to expand and feel grateful or joy or even love for that matter. It was just so deeply rooted. And so when I found shadow work on Tick Tok, I as a Scorpio, you know, I'm like, Yes, let's let's do this, let's dive into this. And I really started to explore the depths of my consciousness and basically all the trauma that had happened to me. And when you do shadow work, you don't have to.
Lauren [00:07:40] Wait, wait. I'm going to interrupt again. Okay. So what did you first explore? I love hearing how people first came into this. Like, what was the first thing.
Valerie [00:07:48] That very first shattered prompt that I did? I have a shadow work journal on my own and I wrote, Okay.
Lauren [00:07:54] Okay, wait, did you start with shadow work?
Valerie [00:07:57] Yes, I did.
Lauren [00:07:58] Okay. I'm just. Okay, Go ahead.
Valerie [00:08:00] Because I didn't really know anything about anything else. So when we doing research, you know, Tick Tock has such a big risk in such a big research engine, I would just hear shadow work. And the more that people would talk about it, I would understand. Actually, that's what I need to start doing, right? I need to start understanding why am I so angry? And anger was literally the first shadow work that I did. I wrote anger in big, bold bubble letters in my journal, and I just started sit there and ask yourself, why am I so angry? You know? And the more that I sat with it, the more that I realized I grew up with anger. My household was very angry. That's all I knew, right? That was my family, was my culture. I am Mexican, and if you are Mexican and you're listening, or if you are brown in any way, you know that anger is a very big emotion in the family. And so that was just how I was raised. I didn't know any other way to respond. And so I just sat there and asked myself why, why, why, why? And I got curious why I felt this way. And the more that I started to understand that the anger was something that was in my subconscious mind that I grew up with. I mean, how else was I supposed to know how to react? Right? And I just started really, and then it just catapulted from there where I would be going to the bookstore and figure out like, how am I supposed to heal this? I got into energy work and I really started to explore every facet of getting rid of this anger because I didn't want my children to be in the same position where I was. You know, I was 37 at the time, I believe 36 something. I was in that position. I don't want them to have to do the same thing that I was doing, have to learn how to be a functioning, emotionally regulated adult in my mid-thirties. So I said, no more. I'm not doing this anymore. And I really started to explore every facet of healing in order to get rid of the anger. And I did a lot of energy work in order to really transmute that anger that just resided so deeply within me. I started to practice emotional regulation by simply just tapping in, allowing myself to breathe for just a few minutes before my fuze was lit. Right. And it just came into a point where I kind of fell into healing and I found it to be the most rewarding thing because. Talking about it now, I almost feel like that was a different lifetime. I don't know that person really. I the people who knew me in real life, in my, you know, my child in my twenties, my thirties, they don't know who I am today because I'm a completely different person. And I just feel. I remember being outside doing my first full moon ritual and like releasing the anger, like I did a whole thing and I just felt the shift in energy where I felt the anger leave my body and it was just this relief. And immediately then I was hooked. I was like, This is for me. I'm going to start dieting. And I started. Every time a trigger would come up, I would sit with it like I had a lot of resentment, right? I had a lot of resentment in my childhood that I wasn't raised correctly. Right. My family didn't give me the tools that I needed. And now I don't know how to be a parent again. I just sat with that and got deeper and deeper and deeper. And then here I am today writing about shadow work and telling other people that the more that you allow yourself to feel the emotions, the more that you allow yourself to move through the resistance of the emotion instead of just pushing it down and ignoring it or numbing it with whatever. And why do you allow yourself to explore that? The more space you will give yourself to be able to release that energy and to free up energy to be in a place of just contentment, alignment, joy and peace. Because that's the what I was looking for then I have now simply by doing the work, by giving myself the time to do it. And it took years. It wasn't overnight. Like I spent a lot of the pandemic meditating, doing shadow work and crying. That was the majority of the pandemic. Yeah, and I'm glad I did it because here I am today.
Lauren [00:12:02] Yeah, that was so beautifully stated. I love all of it. Like the Tiktok is how you found that is a very personal thing for sure. Look how much good you do, Liz. I mean, she's so good. And here's the book. So I teach meditation, so I get to like, of course, be an advocate there. And you saved yourself decades. I was thinking, oh, my gosh, I should have done this so much earlier. And it took me a long time. I'm a slow learner. I'm somebody it takes a long time. But it's it's as we're supposed to it's that's my path. Like it's like it is what it is. And I just. I love that. So go ahead, Lisa.
Latha [00:12:41] I was going to say it's never too late. And I think I personally believe that everything happens in divine timing. So maybe that time that you were ready to receive this information and to see that there was like a different way or it was just a different way, you know?
Lauren [00:12:55] Absolutely. And I started on the path in my twenties. It's just certain aspects of it took me a little longer. So I just love that. Okay. So one of the first tools, what I was talking about earlier is looking in the mirror and saying, I love you. I don't remember how you said that. And I started that. Yeah, in my twenties is a long time ago. Waver wires, a bomb or anything else. And I remember feeling like an SNL skit looking around to make sure nobody heard me, even though I lived alone in my little apartment. Now it's almost Pavlovian. I get in the car, I look in the rearview mirror, say out loud, I love you, and a few other things that I say. For me, I am a worthy person. Whatever it is that I need in that given moment comes out of my mouth. I do it every morning. How did you come to this tool? What does it do for you guys? How long have you been doing it?
Latha [00:13:46] Yeah, I first actually learned that through Louise Haigh, and I feel like she was one of the pioneers of her work, really. She had created this whole idea of it and when I first learned it, I was like, This is too simple, this is too easy. Look in the mirror. You say, I love you. Like what? And I did it. And I saw something shift and I felt awkward for a second and something. It was weird. And I had all of these emotions come up and I was like, Wait a second, there's something here. And then a few years later, when I opened my coaching practice, I started using this with clients and I could see how transformative it truly was. And it was so simple and I was just like, Wow, there's like some kind of magic here. But the real magic was just the acknowledgment of the person saying and understanding who they were and just giving themselves love. And what I realized was, like, so much of our day is spent on focusing on what didn't work, how, how much we suck, how much we screwed something up, or how there's a wrinkle here in a baggie here, and we just pick it on ourselves all day long. And it's like we've forgotten how beautiful we are. You know that true in our beauty, that outer beauty, the love that exists there, and just that simple act of saying I love you can break through so many different walls and so many different things that have been built up over years and years and years. And I've seen it across the gamut of clients from everybody that, you know, a teacher who's open to meditation and all of this access to all the stuff to like a big burly biker dude that would never you'd never think that they would be in that space of really tapping in deeper to them. And it's been transfer. Across the board. And it's been beautiful to see that. So that's why it was one of my it's one of my favorite exercises. And when we had the opportunity to write this, I was like, That's got to be in there because of that one special. It's really powerful.
Lauren [00:15:34] Especially when you realize you mean it. And that's why in all sudden, like, I mean, I start running like, I wasn't just saying it and practicing it, looking at my shoulder to see who could see me because I was taught to do it in my eyeballs. Don't look at my hair or like the wrinkles are like anything else in that way and have wrinkles back then. Yeah, exactly. So. Yeah, go ahead, Valerie.
Valerie [00:15:58] Yeah, I completely agree. There's that shift that happens when you actually feel the love for yourself because we spend so much time not liking ourselves for whatever reason. Right. And when you make the connection, Oh, well, I actually love myself. Now, that is the pivotal moment in your life.
Lauren [00:16:15] Yeah. Yeah, definitely. So you've got all kinds I mean, clearly, you need this book. You two cannot coach everyone. Although let's. I think you've got millions on Tik Tok, Fowler. I didn't look at your special. So sorry. I'm sure you've got tons of people. I love your website, though, I have to say. But you can't coach everyone's. You've got all these prompts and all these exercises that are easy to read and understand. Maybe not so easy to do initially. Do you have favorites for somebody's listening and I'll have the link for the book and everything else for to reach for everybody listening. Don't worry, it's all on the website.
Latha [00:16:51] You know what really happened? I had the last book and it was about manifesting and I got so many messages from people saying like, This book changed my life. Like, Oh my gosh, this is like crazy. I learned this and this.
Lauren [00:17:02] Is what I mean. I've got a great year.
Latha [00:17:05] I got so many messages about it. And then when the opportunity to write a shadow or a journal came around, I was like, Let this is going to change the world like people think manifesting school. Let's talk about shadow work because you know, it really manifests anything is to get past a looming belief. You know, my true belief of abundance is that it's our birthright. It's always there for us. The only blockade there is a blockade that we create, which is those limits or shadows that we put in place to say, we can't have that. We're not good enough for that. You know, whatever the lies that we're telling ourselves really are. And through doing that shadow work, you're able to release that and to create new beliefs for yourself and really have transformation in your life. So it's an honor to be able to create this and to have it in the hands of, you know, thousands, if not hopefully one day millions of people so that they can start the work on their own. You know, and I know that not everybody has the budget to hire a coach or a therapist or someone to work with. And this is an accessible way, at least to get your foot in the door, at least to start and understand and start to do the self work. And I think that this is kind of like a drop in the bucket, but it can change and have a butterfly effect on so many different things. And I think that's that's why ballerina that's what our huge hope is for this, right? That it can really be transformative even on even in the baseline. If it shifts something, it's going to shift something else right.
Lauren [00:18:29] Now for sure. So do you have favorite prompts in here that for people listening so they can get their truth and move on to be their best and biggest and brightest stuff, to get their light to really shine? You take it off your books, okay? Yeah. Take a look. I know.
Valerie [00:18:46] Let's see, what is my favorite one.
Lauren [00:18:50] Or what work best for you, Each of you which to get to move beyond your limiting beliefs and your shadows.
Valerie [00:18:58] You know, I'll put myself out there. I think after I did a lot of shadow work, I had a lot of comparison to other people. I'm the type of person.
Lauren [00:19:08] They're in despair.
Valerie [00:19:09] Who likes to see something shiny and then go for it because somebody else said it was shiny. It took me so long to get into a position where I owned my gifts and what I brought to the table. And now I get to teach women how to tap into their intuition and their abilities. And for so long, I struggle with trying to figure out what am I supposed to be doing? Like how much is being helping the world? And I kept chasing what everyone else was doing. If they're doing that, maybe I should do that. And it was doing it and then failing, doing it and failing. And now once I finally owned, once I finally released the comparison shadow part of me and said, You know what, girl? They can be shiny and bright, but we can also be shiny and bright doing what we love to do. That's when it really just clicked for me where I don't feel, you know how when you see somebody that's successful and you kind of get maybe a twinge of jealousy or like, why not me, right? But now I see somebody successful and I'm cheering them on. I'm so excited for you And me too, right? Everybody has the space to be successful. So the comparison one is really one of my favorites.
Lauren [00:20:14] That was amazing. And so I have two questions for that. So how did you get clarity of what was your superpower that you are meant to help people, help them with their intuitive abilities?
Valerie [00:20:27] Okay. So I'm sure story with you. I know that you love meditation and you teach meditation. I am a big meditation person. I love to meditate. I think it's amazing when I would meditate, either I would start seeing visions of my future self and she would give me guidance about what I should be doing. And I remember being in this meditations and just seeing her be so emotionally fulfilled, like she was just living her best life. Right? And she would be telling me like, you are going to have a mentorship program where you're going to be coaching women, right? You're teaching women how to do and how to connect to their intuition. You are going to have a great coach. But like she told me everything that I'm doing now, and by allowing myself to fully access the future version of me, by welcoming her into my spaces, I think when we meditate, we see these beautiful things that we're like, And that's just my imagination, you know, that's not for me, whatever. But by accepting that that version of me already existed and by following the guidance that I was continuously given over time, like shadow work, I was given guidance from the universe long, long ago to deal with my anger. Without dealing with my anger, I would be able to move forward. Okay. And so she would tell me, like we have a mentorship program. And the more that I understood how people were coming to me for help and how easy it was for me to tap into my intuition after I did the healing work, the more I realized I can actually help people do this. And so I started dipping my toes and I did a little bit hourly session, which is see. And the more that I gave myself the space to practice this, it just kind of flourished into this beautiful part of my business. Now, where I'm mentoring women. On accessing your intuition because there's so many women out there who want to be this successful, amazing, beautiful person that they know that they can be. But if you don't give her space to do the shadow work, if you don't get to do the healing, it's going to be so difficult to be able to access your intuition and your intuition is guiding you in all your daily decisions, right, Big and small. And so, again, just following the guidance is how I got here, trusting that was my path. And stop worrying about what everyone else was doing everywhere else. That's none of my business, right?
Lauren [00:22:40] Absolutely. And then keep putting one foot in front of the other and take them.
Valerie [00:22:43] Exactly.
Lauren [00:22:44] Dedicated action and.
Valerie [00:22:45] Keep showing up for myself.
Lauren [00:22:47] Yeah. And then why not me? Is that such a key part of my story? When I long time ago when I was applying to college and I thought, I'm too stupid and somebody I was going from college to UCLA and to a small major. And somebody said to me, Hey, they take 25 people a year from outside of UCLA. And I said, Yeah. He said, Why not? You and I applied. And not only did I get in, I spoke at graduation and like, and he didn't say, Why not you? I never, even when applied, I was looking for another major. And I went on from there and, you know, and I always thought, Oh, I'm just stupid. I'm the dumb one in the fact, like, all that old stuff way back, you know? So the why not me thing is such a key thing. I love that one.
Latha [00:23:31] Of the prompts is really like, touch me very deeply. It about positive feelings. And it's all about writing down in detail about people experiences and commitments that triggered positive feelings, energy and emotions for you in the past 12 months. Now, this might sound weird, but we started writing this book the week after my father passed away, and I knew he was terminally ill for about two months. So we had some preparation, but not a lot. You know, when the patriarch of your family is going to go, you kind of scramble to get your life together and kind of imagine how things are going to be without him. The week after we started writing this and having a decade plus of experience with shadow Work, I knew I was like, let me address those triggers. Let me talk about all the negative stuff. Let me look into all of those aspects of this and this and this and where I can give forgiveness to myself and I can give this forgiveness to him and let me work through all of these things. And I knew that off the bat. Right. And I had jumped heading into that. One of the things I noticed I missed was the positive aspect of that. I was so focused on the shadows and the negative side and, oh, you know, releasing the hatred or the anger or the resentment that I felt because this was it. You know, I totally had forgotten that that positive aspect. And with that question, I was just like, Oh, yeah, there's good stuff, too. You know, there was so much good and it really brought me back to kind of get things into balance again once in my life to realize that there was so much good there to see that sees so much positivity in that, and just to be able to reflect upon all of the good. And it almost made it seem like there's a balance here. It just really brought me back into focus and I'm so grateful for that. Prompted. It's always stuck with me for a while now. And one of the other things was just being able to, to process my emotions. Right. Like I said, having done shadow work, I was always kind of like, I'm not going to let anything just linger within me. I'm going to do my graduate work. I'm going to meditate. I'm going to let everything flow. Everything's flow. It was so important for me to be able to feel the emotions, to be able to release them, to be able to move through them. And again, a lot of those times, the emotions I was most focused on were the negative emotions, the sadness that hurt the loss, all of that. And this prompt again brought me back into the space of what positive actions? What about all of this joy you can release? What about all of these experiences and all of these happy memories that you have? There's duality. There's duality to everything. And even in these moments of grief and even in these moments of loss, there is still the duality. So it just brought me back to remember that there were both two sides of everything.
Lauren [00:26:07] Yeah, you talked about that on your episode about the loss and you talked about working through it in a beautiful way. It was a powerful part of the episode. So yeah, I love that you bring it up again. So for somebody listening who they're like, Yeah, that's great for you guys, but I don't think it's going to work for me. What would you tell them?
Latha [00:26:31] Try it out. You know, I know we've made it as easy as possible for people to use and I having. Works with clients. I think that we've really realized. If it's not easy, you're not going to do it. I mean, it's kind of the fact of the matter or the easier it is, let me say, the more likely it is that you're going to do it. We've written this in a way that is easy to understand, easy to process the exercises. You could flip through it and do one exercise and just try it out. You could flip through it. When you have an extra 5 minutes at lunch and do one prompt and just kind of see what comes up for you. And the thing with shadow work is a lot of times we hope that, Oh, I'm going to do this exercising mind-blowing like something is going to just shift for me. And that's not always the case, right? You might do a couple of the exercises, you might do a couple of the prompts, and you're like, Well, nothing's really shifted. And that shift that's happening, you might not notice in that moment. But then when something is going to come up in your life that you would have been really triggered by, you notice your reaction might be different to it, and then you're like, Wait a second, what's happening here? This is not how I would have reacted. And you say, Well, I guess something's shifted, something's changed, and you kind of open up this little doorway for different ideas and thoughts to come to you and for you to be able to respond to your life in a truly different way.
Lauren [00:27:53] And they are easy. There's even fill in the blanks. I mean, it is that easy. Valerie, what would you say?
Valerie [00:27:59] I agree with love. Try it out. I was going to give you an example of a lot of clients that I see always have this fear of judgment of what everyone else is going to think about, whatever life path that they choose. And simply by addressing that repeating pattern of judgment. Right. I've noticed that the more that you again, give yourself the space to do the inner work and you get to change how you respond. So when you have that fear come up again, you get to choose. Actually, I don't really care what they think or they're going to think what they want to think either way. And I get to choose what I want to do with my life. So by doing this work, you get to shift your perspective, your actions or behaviors that get to trickle out into the rest of your life. And again, with that, it's not gonna happen overnight. It's not maybe this, it could be this. I mean, when I dealt with my anger, it was a pivotal shift for me. But those smaller moments filled up something so much bigger within you that it's kind of like unlocking boxes with your mind. Like, Oh, actually, that that does bother me. Like, how am I going respond differently, right? And it's just so incredibly powerful to do the work so that you can choose who you want to be rather than being that same person that you just don't like, frankly. There's so many parts of us that we don't like about ourselves, but why don't you like that part? Like, be curious about it and let's let's address it so that we can make better decisions, make our lives better doers of you if you persevere.
Lauren [00:29:25] Yeah. No, that's so well put. And can this lead to being and doing what it is that you have a vision for 100%?
Valerie [00:29:35] Yes. When I was trying to align to the future version of myself, I had a lot of resistance. I had a lot of imposter syndromes, like, who's going to happen to me, right? But people were coming to me and people were looking up to me and asking me questions. And I and I had the answers. I had done the work for years, able to get to the position where I can access my intuition now at the drop of a hat when before I didn't even know what my body felt like because I felt so uncomfortable in my body. And it's just such, such a different moment in it's such a different space where I am today because I did the work, because now I get to be the person I've always wanted to be. I get to be the best mother to my children, and that is amazing. To see them and hear them say, Well, you're such a different person. I'm so glad that you're doing all this stuff right, all these things, because you're not as angry as you used to be, or you're the best mom ever, right? I never heard that before. I was always the meanie. So I get to be the person that I get to be the foundation for them. That they deserve it 100%.
Lauren [00:30:33] Yeah. Now that's so. And I didn't grow up. I still will sometimes Google feelings chart and be like, I'm not sure how I feel at this moment because we did talk about our feelings growing up and there's so many Oh my God, there's so many. If you've never googled it, So do you each want to give a message? I hope.
Latha [00:30:51] Sure. Okay. So we want to mention something else too, because it's your feelings. So something different, a different way that Valerie and I approach shadow work is through the lens of really doing a lot of self love through it, right? Because I think that sometimes you can jump into shadow work and it seems scary or it seems overwhelming or a lot, and you're very triggered by it. And you're like that for me, right? But when you're when you're really approaching it with this aspect of self-love and you're integrating it into the work that you're doing and you're able to really, truly integrate with your shadow and work with it in a way that doesn't feel difficult, doesn't feel trigger, doesn't feel angry. It really feels gentle to an extent. I feel that people really get further in it because it's easier. It seems like, Oh, I can do this. It's a very gentle movement there. And there are these aspects of self-love that are really, truly ingrained in that. I think that that's a very important aspect to doing shadow work.
Lauren [00:31:48] So I like the way you put that. And it's true. I mean, that whole thing of just saying, I love you people have a very hard time doing it, and yet the shift that comes is incredible. So I know people look at me like when I like try it. It's one of those things that it's a tool that is incredible. So I love the way you say it's a gentle process. And really the prompts and the tools in your book are simple. They're easy to do and simple. But, you know, I mean, you're getting to the meat of what's going on with you. So it's work. But I love the way you say it's gentle work. So it's like, this is a great book you guys like, I can't recommend it enough. It's I just needed shadow work to find for me. So it's self-help. You're taking care of yourself and all that muck that's underneath. You want to get rid of that shadow works in other word for muck.
Valerie [00:32:48] Basically.
Lauren [00:32:48] Yeah.
Latha [00:32:49] So and I think we've kind of touched on this before, and Valerie kind of had mentioned her family and her children. I think a lot of times as women, as mothers, as parents, we say like we can't invest into ourselves because we have to give, give, give, give. Right. It's always the kids.
Lauren [00:33:04] It's okay. Yeah, we're depleted.
Latha [00:33:05] But we're giving. Yeah, but then that's the same you get to this point in which you're totally depleted. And by doing the shadow work, by giving yourself the self-care, the self-love, you're filling your cup so that you have more to give. Right? And I always want to, like, really impart this upon parents, new parents, old parents, whatever the case is, because parenting is really hard sometimes and we kind of feel like, oh, the more we do, the better it is for them when in reality, the more that we create balance in our life, the more that we give back to ourselves, the more we have to give to our children, the less we see it as a strain. The you know, the less we see it as such a difficulty or sacrifice or whatever the case is, because we're taking care of when we're taking care of, there's more to give to everybody else.
Lauren [00:33:51] It's so true. And yet the moms I try to tell this to that are working like 18 hours a day and just spinning. And I'm like, you will be a better mom. You could actually work three days a week. You can. And they look at me like, I don't understand. I think we're working, mom the entire time. I'm a mom and I am of service and I do a lot. Yet I Yeah, and I see it and they can't hear. But you can only hear when you can hear. So you really can create a life beyond your dreams. Like if you want to work three days a week and make a ton of money, you can do that. Yeah. So I think your to your point of like do the work and, and get to that place of self love, you can create a life to look however you want. What do you want it to look like? You can create it. You two are proof I mean absolutely your proof. If you haven't heard Liz's episode, take a listen to what she's doing it all and yet you're balanced. I mean, you have a farm, you have a business, you're married, you're about to have your third kid, you know, and you have a huge business. So it's and with millions of followers also on TikTok and you help me so many people. So it's amazing. And Valerie's got three kids of business. But I mean, you know, you guys are both doing work and everybody's years of service. So and I think it starts there, actually. So yeah. Valerie.
Valerie [00:35:21] I'm going to give everybody a little message of hope because I agree with both of that. It is so important to invest in yourself, and I'm not really sure why it seems so fringy, right? At first self-love like weird, but you are going to be with you for the rest of your life. There is nobody who's going to be in your life more than you are going to be in your life, right? You've got people that are around you, but you are with you forever. And what I like to tell my clients is just think about the eight-year-old version of you. Would you tell eight-year-old version of you that you don't deserve to be happy or you don't deserve to be to have invest in yourself? Or is would eight-year-old you be happy with who you are today? Because that is such a phenomenal way to think about how you were living your life today. Right? When we are so young, we have these big dreams and goals and hopes of who we're going to be. But if you are not living to your fullest potential, which could just be living at peace, right, and contentment within you would eight-year-old, you be happy. And if not, then let's sit down and let's have a conversation. Right? Grab a book. Just start being aware and conscious of your own patterns and healing that needs to be addressed so that you can make the little you so happy. And present you. So, so happy.
Lauren [00:36:43] It's great. Let's say you want to give a message of hope.
Latha [00:36:45] Yeah, I would love to. My message of hope is really just to continue with being kind. And I think I had really talked about this in the last episode as well. I think kindness can truly change the world. And when I say kindness, I don't just mean the kindness to others, but I mean that kindness to yourself really, truly bringing it back to that space of self-love and caring and nurturing. It's important. And like I was saying, you're with you all the time. From the moment you're born to the moment you pass, you are with yourself. So if you're going to be nice to anybody, wouldn't you want to be nice to yourself? Bringing it back to that space of self flows is truly transformational, and it really does shift your ideas of self-worth, of self-love, of what you deserve in the world. It's transformative at the core level. And from there, you can truly build anything else you want. The life of your dreams, the, you know, the attract, the partner you on track, the abundance, everything comes from there. But first, understanding that you are incredible. Being kind to yourself, giving yourself that love and support is the foundation of everything else that you're going to create in your life.
Lauren [00:37:52] That's such a good message. I hope. Big you guys. Is there anything else? Either you want to say that I didn't ask you and will be done and you'll be like, Lauren didn't ask me this.
Latha [00:38:02] We can share where you can get the book or you have the links to it you're going to share.
Lauren [00:38:05] Yeah, of all the links to that. Yeah, of course. Yeah. I have links to both of you and your book and anything else.
Latha [00:38:12] I think I'm good. This is.
Valerie [00:38:13] Great. I want to add something. I just want to add that when you heal and you invest in your healing journey, that ripples out to everybody around you, right? Because we are all one conscious energy together. We're all deeply embedded into each other. And the more that you start addressing you, the more that other people are going to kind of shift a little bit so that they can start addressing their own beliefs. Right? And or you get to check them because you are conscious of your own and you'll understand where you end and other people begin because not everything is yours. Right? And so it's just so important to do the work so that we can literally change the world.
Latha [00:38:50] To piggyback off of that, too, it's to break generational curses in those cycles. So our families again and again and again, when we're the one that's going to step up and be the person that's saying, I'm going to take this on and look into this and do the tough work, I'm going to do the shadow work to shift this. You're shifting not only yourself, but the generations that are going to follow the two children that you're going to have, the way that you're going to respond to them. You know, it's going to be dynamically different than maybe what you had, and then you're able to really provide something that you might have needed as a child yourself that just wasn't available to you, but you're able to see it and then give it.
Lauren [00:39:26] Yeah, definitely. Such a good message to stay. Thanks, you guys. Thanks for being guests today on 52 Weeks of Hope
Valerie [00:39:33] Thank you so much.
Lauren [00:39:35] Yeah. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode and take with you the messages of honesty, gratitude, and an open heart. Such great messages to take into your week ahead. Be sure to tune in next week for another empowering episode all about how to live abundantly, authentically and how to have fun. It's a great episode that's super upbeat, and that's next week. You definitely don't want to miss that. Be sure to sign up for a free confidence and clarity boost sessions. If you're struggling, this might be for you. It's for those who feel like life's passing them by. Your inner critics are going nonstop. You're feeling burnt out and jealous of those who are doing what you wish you were doing. Just go to the website of 52 Weeks of Hope dot com and sign up over there. If you're enjoying the podcast, share the love and tell two of your friends. I'm Lauren Abrams. Thanks for listening.