3 Ways You Know You Are Absolutely With The Right People
I signed up for a 4 month meditation challenge thing. I say, “thing” because I actually have no idea what I signed up for. I’m so busy right now that I’m not really signing up for anything, but I just love this spiritual leader — so anytime he does anything like this, I try to join.
Tonight was an introductory session and my Zoom screen showed about 24-little boxes. I think my eyesight’s completely going during Covid, so I have no idea who was on there, but I tend to put on speaker-view anyway so that I’m not distracted. (I think I’m also developing ADD during Covid!)
The leader is on there explaining a few things and then pretty quickly goes into the first of three meditations. I meditate regularly so no biggie, I relax into it, when all of the sudden, I thought, “What if this is a long one?” Like, a too-long-for-me, long one because he didn’t say and I really have no idea and on and on.
I just breathed into the fear. Noticed it. And let it pass. Then I mentally congratulated myself on how spiritual I was for doing all of this, followed by the certainty that I was definitely not walking on water anytime in this lifetime if I even think things like that for a second. Yea, check me out — spiritual guru here, haha, not today, that’s for sure.
That’s when I got a warm fuzzy feeling for the people in this community, my community, which were people in this class. Even if we’re just in these little Zoom boxes that I can barely see. These are my peeps. I could actually share this silly stuff in my head with them, most anything with them, including these floating thoughts (not that this was any event of that sort — no sharing happens in meditations — at least none that I’ve been to).
And that’s how you know you are with the right people. Your people. Your community.
Community’s essential. It’s been proven again and again that we need community. In the blue zones, where people live the longest, community comes up as the number one reason for longevity and happiness. https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=91274144
But how do we know if we’re with the right people?
I’ve come to understand that there are 3 basics that must be present to know you are with your peeps:
Comfort. I feel so comfortable amongst the people in my community. I don’t worry about how I look or who’s going before I get there. I can sign up for an event like this by myself and just show up and am excited to be there and to see everyone — even virtually. I don’t need Scott, or my kids or a friend as a buffer. I want to be present, and I’m comfortable and that’s something you cannot buy. You have to be comfortable with your peeps.
Look for people who you feel comfortable around, not self conscious, who are easy natured and you feel at home and can talk to, are able to be yourself. Then you know you are with the right people.
2. Easy. I never worry about what I say or who’s there. I don’t leave or log off thinking, “Why did I say that?” or “What are they thinking about me?” or any of those awful uncomfortable thoughts because it’s easy to be with my people. I am a welcome member of the group, the community, and it never even occurs to me to have these yucky thoughts. I’m relaxed and it’s easy to be there. You want to be with people who are easy to be with, that’s essential.
Finding groups with similar interests is a good place to start and always give a group a couple of tries before giving up. I was told every weekly group has a “dud week,” so don’t make rash decisions. Give second chances with groups and communities just like you do with individuals.
3. Whole Authentic Self. I get to be me with my community. I’m just me. I don’t even think about it. I am just my authentic self always with my peeps. My complete authentic self and it’s a relief to be with people who accept me as I am. Always. It’s essential to be yourself in your community or else why be there?
“Everyone you meet just wants to be seen and heard,” Oprah said at her 2020 Vision: Your Life in Focus tour. If that’s true, then they want to be seen and heard as themselves or why bother. “Did you see me? Did you hear me?” is what everyone wants per Oprah, that’s the common thread through all her myriad of interviews.
If all people really want is to be seen and heard, we need to be open to others and open as our authentic selves. It starts with you being available and as Brené Brown says, being vulnerable.
That’s how I know I am with my people. I know how it feels when I’m not. That awful knot in the stomach. The wanting to leave. I’m social and outgoing and love meeting new people. But if you’re not my peeps, and I’m feeling uncomfortable and judged, I know it physically, usually in my stomach.
When I’m around arrogant, judgey people, I have nothing to say. It’s a waste of my time and I’d rather read or talk to a friend or help someone out, or just be alone. Anything else rather than be in an awkward uncomfortable group situation.
When I hear about where you come from, or what’s really going on with you, and you hear about what I’ve been through, it’s a whole new ball game. We’re suddenly having a heart to heart conversation and in a totally different place then name, rank and serial number and that’s where I want to be with people anyway. It’s real and raw and refreshing, and that is community — it’s connection.
I understand everyone won’t like me. It’s not about that. There’s a couple of people I know who don’t like me. I used to waste a lot of time and energy doing a song and dance trying to get them to like me. I didn’t understand what I’d done (I still don’t). I finally got that it’s none of my business what you think of me and I get along with enough others that I don’t have to waste my time on the few who simply don’t.
Life really is too short for that stuff.
So I’m happy whenever I am around my peeps. Community is just so important. I love all of my little communities. And they’re all kinda converging a bit during Covid, and I get to develop a few new ones, which I love.
And I have my little nuclear family community here at home which is fun and special and makes me smile daily.
Who are your peeps? Do they light up your insides, too? I sure hope so.
I wish you ease, and comfort and your whole authentic self with your peeps as well!
According to google, “Authenticity is about presence, living in the moment with conviction and confidence and staying true to yourself. … Authentic is defined as: “not false or copied; genuine; real.”
Life really is too short to worry or waste on what other people are thinking. It’s time for real friends and real community. I like to think 2020 has taught all of us that. Happy 2021 everyone!
